she bleeped his bleep!
sarah: it’s almost time!!!!
Regan: Hai I’m in a cab rushing home
sarah: be careful!
Regan: We appear to be snipless so you tell me what’s happening until I get to the teevee!
sarah: ryder just showed up
and snooki told vinnie not to have sex with her again
and he looks really unhappy about it and it’s awkward
and now snooki and jenni are trying to change the door knobs on her house so her ex can’t get in
which is amazing
because i can’t do that either
Regan: Snooki and kim kardashian have been tweeting to one another
sarah: ryder and deena are hanging out drinking and doing shots
Regan: Ryder!!!Its always _ and Deena are doing shots
sarah: they’re going on rides and getting wastedHA!
it totally isand she’s got that freaking cowboy hat on
awww…
jenni’s dogs
they’re cute
oh shit!
Regan: Those dogs are redonk
sarah: at some point vinnie is going to suggest a snooki/ryder/vinnie three way
they totally are
Regan: Aww I want vinnie and snooki to get babies I mean
sarah: hey, can i still be a judge for the puppy show
Regan: Get married and have babies
YES
sarah: my roommate and i totally want snooki and vinnie to get married and have babies
Regan: Although “get babies” seems to be how they do these days
sarah: they would be orange, but awesomethat sounds so “swingers”
Regan: And have mini watermelon dicks
sarah: nothing wrong with that
also, the world does not need a big momma’s house part 3or 4or whatever
oh, and it’s ryder’s birthday
she’s 22
Regan: By the way to all our viewers at home: FUCK THIS SNOW
I imagine she’s drinking to that fact
sarah: and vinnie offered to have ryder stay in his room
hellllll yeah
and pauly d named the dogs snooki and ryder
that’s awesome
it’s tshirt time!
Regan: He already hooked up w her right
sarah: and jenni is wearing a freaking handkerchief
yeah
but snooki said never again
and now they’re all out, and sammi is being all crazy because ronnie is talking to his friends girlfriend
and vinnie is talking to some girl named nicki ducks
wtf?
Regan: But he never hooked up w snooki right???
sarah: not at the moment
not recently
vinnie has brought home some girl named gina
and sammi is going insane again
she’s drunk
and annoying
and CRAZY
Regan: Omg sammi
sarah: are you watching?
Regan: I’m watching now
sarah: yay!
my roommate is singing “please go home sammi”
Sent at 10:14 PM on Thursday
Regan: omg nicolas cage
sarah: he makes me sad
Regan: stop making action movies
sarah: i used to love him
Regan: like anyone wants to wach you make an action movie
Sent at 10:15 PM on Thursday
sarah: certainly not
what i want is a sequel to valley girl
ninja turtle reference FTW!!!!!
Regan: AMAZE
“imma go blugh mhmph pzzzaa”
Mike is such a t-rex
sarah: she is an idiot
like is TOTALLY a t-rex
Regan: whoa hes gonna have mad roid rage about the pizza
sarah: she should have brought him a protein shake
duh
doooooood
Regan: sarah your tears meen BLEEP to me
sarah: she’s horrible, but she allows it
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
sniff
Regan: LMAO grenade horn
sarah: they are totally making pauly jump on that
Regan: omg
sarah: grenade horn
Regan: DONT GIVE THEM VUVUZELAS
sarah: hahahahhahaha
Regan: jesus christ
sarah: i want to know what she likes to do
Regan: thats like giving them a spray that causes anal warts
sarah: i have a feeling it is something i might not have learned in school
Regan: oh god jennifer anniston you are the color beige
sarah: ha!
that movie is going to be a mess, but people will see it
especially if it opens around valentines day
my roommate wants that burger
Regan: Omg Burger king, there is no Beef, Flavor or Heat in anything you make
sarah: that looks so foul
even when i ate meat, i wouldn’t eat fast food burgers
Sent at 10:23 PM on Thursday
sarah: they are going to break vinnie’s kneecaps
what! shakespeare reference FTW!!!!!
bye bye grenade
Regan: whatever mike
whatever
you ae like
king grenade
you are beyond Grenade
you are a ballistic missile
sarah: ronnie is crying
this is completely ridiculous
Regan: RONNIIEEE!!!!!!hes coming down from a coke binge
OBVS
sarah: so much
Regan: notice
Jenni’s accent
dissappeared
sarah: they both cheated on their s/o’s, and they are both surprised they are getting dumped
Regan: while whispering
sarah: her boobs did not
Regan: LOL
sarah: that shirt is a mistake
Regan: they showed her art porfolio in Star mag
its AMAZE
sarah: why didn’t you tell me!
i must see this!
Regan: shes actually wildly talented
sarah: liar
Regan: its in the one with JEN IS ADOPTING on the cover
sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Regan: Jen is never actually adopting
sarah: omg
that is awesome
Regan: jennifer aniston would kick a baby
sarah: mike just asked sammi for condoms
she’s lying there crying and HE ASKED HER FOR CONDOMS
this is the best episode ever!
Regan: OMG SAMMI
Jesus she sucks
sarah: are you friends with her, i’m only going to ask fifty more times
what is up with mike’s pants?
Regan: the scabies ae trying to escape them
sarah: they are zubas!
Regan: PLAN B
DRINK
Sent at 10:31 PM on Thursday
sarah: i want to see this
what the hell is that?
Regan: SAMMI
STOP ASKING
aaaaaggghhh
sarah: she’s so dumb
oh vinnie, the voice of reason
that’s not ego, guy
Regan: her Ego is not a brick wall
her brain maybe
sarah: yes
way to ruin ryder’s birthday, bitch
Regan: why do they want her to stay
she sucks
sarah: because they’re faaaaaaaamily
Regan: and like honestly with the fake
sarah: i know
i love when they do that
Regan: that is not an insult when you have Koi-colored flesh
sarah: all the bitches love mike
Regan: that dog clucks
sarah: hahahahhaha
Regan: also why does Jenni call all her boyfriends “kid” when they are all clearly like 38
sarah: because she is clearly 50
this is her final goodbye, until next season
Regan: oof Sammi
again
looks
so rough
sarah: when the macaroni rascals go to italy
is he going to cry again
I HATE THEM SO MUCH
for real, i am about to roid rage on them
Regan: I know dude
also she doesnt articulate anything
she was just like “ya don havada takeme Bahh”
also
Thats enough Natalie Portman.
sarah: for real
well, now she’s all knocked up
Regan: YO. Billy Elliott could GET IT.
sarah: ha!
Regan: Punching someone in the face: A bad thing
see
sarah: word, yo
Regan: there are lessons to be learned here.
sarah: see, this is why they are blind items
Sent at 10:44 PM on Thursday
sarah: they’re praying
Regan: Punching someone in the face: Kind of Not OK
sarah: whatever deity is out there is like “please leave me out of this”
Sent at 10:45 PM on Thursday
sarah: no one believes that she can keep it classy
that’s awemazing
Regan: That house DOES need a stripper pole
sarah: i was just thinking that
Regan: that is EXACTLY what that house need
ssarah: also, i kind of want a stripper pole
Regan: such potential for injury
sarah: my roommate just texted that we need a stripper pole also
well, for me getting out of bed is potential for injury
what, what does she like to do
ok, now i’m just going to speculate, and it’s not going to be good
becuase i have a horrible dirty mind
Regan: Skins.
Is.
sarah: they are going to cancel it soon
Regan: A show full of people i dont want to ever see reproduce.
sarah: so says the rumor mill
it’s kind of pedobear
i won’t watch it
Regan: KEYBOARD CAT.
sarah: awww…keyboard cat the third
Regan: it is soooooo Pedobear
ps i love that you read people of walmart
sarah: hell yeahi love that you read dlisted
Regan: Dlisted has actually altered the way i speak
I say “nalgas”
all the time
Oh Jason Statham
sarah: i know
it’s sad
Sent at 10:53 PM on Thursday
sarah: oh!
lip reading skills come in handy
Regan: you don’t BLEEP but you like to BLEEP
sarah: yes!
she likes to bleep
Regan: you BLEEP his BLEEP
He said I like to BLEEP
sarah: that’s so awesome
Regan: she TOTALLY bleeped his bleep, btw.
sarah: why don’t they just use the salad tossing euphamism and get over it
i totally spelled that wrong
grr
good for jenni
i am really proud of her for being the bigger person
Regan: me too. the wildly scripted bigger person but still
PS
Chelsea Handler
Ugly Whore?
sarah: yeah, i saw that
i don’t really watch her, but whatever, it’s her job to make fun of people
also, jenna jameson, calling someone a whore is maybe not in your best interest
since you were once a PORN STAR
jeeeez
Regan: SNOOKI BONER
i know
but I hate Chelsea Handler so so hard
sarah: same here
i don’t think she is funny
Regan: Shes ugly outside and in
btw
was this episode brought to us by Spousal Abuse and Paper Towels???
AMAZING.
